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wThe World is my Oyster |
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I've forgotten what it feels like to be normal.
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wThursday, June 19, 2003 |
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My dad took my mom and me out to eat, and the restaurant is the kind with those big windows in front of the parking lot, and everybody watches you pull up. Well, we parked, and my dad was having a hard time getting out of the car, so i was just watching him to see when he would need help. When he put his foot down, i saw that he was right about to step into a big pothole thingy, so i got all scared and rushed to make sure he didnt fall. But then when i rushed to go save him, i fell into the stupid, stinkin pothole, foot scraping against the side and all =( and there i was... MAN DOWN !!! well, WO-MAN DOWN !!! boo =(
my pinky toe got all scraped and its all bloody. =( it hurts so bad...and my stupid knee is all purple.
and when i got up, everyone was all wide-eyed, staring out the window.
my mom opened the door to the restaurant, and everyone clapped for me. I'm not sure if they were mocking me. I think they were. Boo for mean-spirited restaurant crowd.
ouchie wa wa =*(
hehehehe....boy, i cant WAIT to be a waitress !!! =) i hope i get hired before anybody finds out how accident-prone i am. Heh... =) !!!
i wonder if sweety would like to kiss a bloody toe =) HEH ! it sure would show his devotion if he did !!
posted by
Laura at 9:35 PM
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Yui always finds the best quizzes...
Moondancer is a patient, gentle-mannered pony. Her warm, generous nature coupled with quiet charm and empathy make this pony the best friend a person could have! She's always there for others, ready to provide a shoulder to cry on, or hot cocoa and a listening ear. She's usually very good with children, equipped with a lively imagination that can keep them occupied for hours. Generally, people feel lucky just to know her, although sometimes they need reminding of just how much effort she puts in behind the scenes.
i 'member i used to have about....25 different My Little Ponies. And i had some of the really high tech ones too, like the ones that change color, and when you wipe it with hot water, stuff appears and stuff, oh and the hair-color change ponies. Those were awesome.
why dont kids just play with stuff like that anymore? everything they play with now has an LCD screen and requires a lithium battery. Poor kids. They'll never experience the delight of toys that dont do anything so that you have to use your imagination to play.
Kung fu chaos. Now there's a fun game. Although, it would be a lot more fun if i didnt suck so much that even a 3 year old kid is telling me how to play. Hah. He likes playing with me more than yui only cuz he knows i suck. Stupid smart kid. Heh.
Yay i got 3 A's and a B. ( yeah, who takes English for fun? what a fool. =( That class was hard)
AhhHhH Thursday. Lovely Thursday. Cool breeze, sit in the park in the sun Thursday.Make sammiches and visit sweety and tarcee at their work places Thursday. Beautiful Thursday. I Love summer break. x)
posted by
Laura at 10:41 AM
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wSunday, June 15, 2003 |
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The hardest part of letting go...
is having to learn things the hard way....repeatedly....because one is doggedly optimistic about a situation that shouldnt be.
is being hurt so many times that you just know you HAVE to let go because you can't handle it anymore.
is smelling the scent of him in the air, and trying not to think of him.
is seeing something you know he'd like...and trying not to buy it for him.
is seeing something that you think would look so great on him, and trying not to imagine him in it.
is seeing something that would make his life better, and walking away from it.
is eating something you know he'd love, and resisting to pack some up and take it to him.
is going to the market and resisting buying things you want to cook for him.
is hearing his exact laughter ring in your ears at a funny moment, even though he's not there.
is seeing his smile in your head when you remember the times you made him laugh.
is sleeping alone at night and feeling his phantom embrace envelope your body and find that he's not there.
is seeing the way his eyes crinkle when he yawns when its time for you to go to sleep.
is missing the sound of his soft breathing when youre falling asleep.
is worrying about his problems and wanting to solve all of them for him so he doesnt have to worry about it.
is wanting to tell him how much you still care about him, and pursing your lips shut.
is knowing you have to move on, and being afraid to.
is finding that you dont want to, because you still love him.
is realizing that still loving him does not mend all the pain from the past, or make him treat you right.
is realizing that even if you forgive and forget the past, your friends dont, and will never want to.
is realizing that the same goes for family, but worse.
is thinking that you wish you never met...and that you'd sacrifice the memories to erase the pain.
is going through the same stupid lesson over and over again without having learned anything.
is realizing that you didnt learn anything and trying to force yourself to move on.
is forcing yourself to move on...despite the fact that your hopeless optimism wants you to give it one last gungho.
is having started moving on, and only end up feeling horrible that what happened will hurt him.
is not thinking of his arms wrapped around you when being held in someone else's warm embrace.
is not thinking of how it might hurt him when someone else is kissing you.
is finally learning the lesson it took all these tries to learn...and having the notes tattooed on your soul with a rusty needle.
is wanting so dearly to be friends, but knowing that'll take a long, long time coming.
is wondering if friendship is even possible.....
is doubting that friendship is possible....
is losing hope that friendship is possible...
is wanting so dearly to be friends, just friends, even though it seems hopelessly impossible...
is knowing just how much you care about him and always will, and promising yourself you'll never tell him that again...
is just letting go.....whether you're ready to or not.
I already did the whole soul searching thing before, and i promised myself i'd never look back, no matter what he said, or what i thought. But i did, and am so disappointed in myself for having broken the promise to my stupid self. I'm so tired of hating myself over this whole relationship...the good parts i was willing to forgive the bad parts for, the bad parts i tried to forget so that i could get to the good parts, the bad parts that made me do things that made more bad parts....the bad parts that haunted the good parts that made the good parts bad parts...i'm so tired of hating myself for it, i am.
its time to just let go...
life goes on....and i dont want to be left behind.
"See, my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin' while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I can't keep runnin' back to you
I think about my strength to finally get up and leave
No more broken heart for me
No more tellin' your lies to me
I'm lookin' like I got my head on right, so now I see
No more givin' you everything
There's no more takin' my love from me
I'm glad to wake up every day without you on my brain
No more where you're laid up at night
No more havin' to fuss and fight
I'm proud to say
That I will never make the same mistake
No more thinkin' bout what you do
There's no more me runnin' back to you"
ashanti - unfoolish
posted by
Laura at 9:00 PM
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a Selfish Gift...and the Italian Job
* Over the past couple weeks, i learned that forgiveness and understanding is a great gift in itself. I learned that being frightened ( again ) that my father might die without me ever getting the chance to show him my love...and promising myself i'd forgive him for all that happened in the past and just love him despite all his faults and how he treated me....was a great gift, not to him, but to myself.
For when i forgave him, ( truly forgave him in my heart...not just my mind) , i was able to show him love that i never knew i had for him.
That love has changed this man...which is truly startling, because i never thought he'd ever care about me the way he's starting to now.
and i feel proud...that even though a certain somebody told me i should give up, i shouldnt care, and that its something i couldnt accomplish..... i did it. I defied what you thought...and now i reap the benefits.Forgiving him, and loving him...was a gift to myself. Now i feel at peace when i'm at home...which is something i've never really felt up until now.
today i learned that i dont need anybody but me..and i'm strong.
but it sure is nice to have friends that love you and need you anyway.=)
love quadrangle.....now that's an interesting word, eh tracy? =) although you think its more of a trapezoid, you nerd, you.
p.s. i loved the Italian Job ! i love heist movies. the end =)
posted by
Laura at 9:00 PM
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