wThe World is my Oyster
I've forgotten what it feels like to be normal.


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wSaturday, May 24, 2003


have you ever heard the phrase " if it doesnt kill you, it'll only make you stronger" ?
i've always thought that meant that even if it was bad, it still has something to contribute to your life.
But there comes a time when, you have all this drama, and you try to think to yourself, " Its only gonna make me stronger", so you try to pull through, and then things take a turn for the worse, and you say " f*ck all that spiritual 'make-me-stronger' codswallop. This is just too much damn bullsh*t!"

yeah. Thats how i feel.

Just when things were lookin up....one sleepless night in the Intensive Care Unit, and i am home.
My dad had a heart attack and respiratory distress yesterday morning, i found him unconscious lying in his bed.
I call 911, the firemen came, stick needles in all sorts of different places of his body, perform CPR and rush him off to the hospital.
There, they stuff a big long tube down his neck and have a machine do his breathing for him, and stick more needles into other different places of his body and drip all sorts of medicines into his body. They put restraints on his arms so that when he awakes from unconsciousness, he doesnt pull all the stuff out.

My dad wakes ( thank goodness) , but he's in so much pain with all that stuff shoved in his body, and not being able to move. He's crying, distressed, angry, frustrated, in pain......he tries to talk to me, but with the tubes down his throat and taped to his mouth, he cant say anything. I hold his hand, and he tries to write something on my hand...but i just dont understand what he's saying.


and not having anything i can do to help him is a killer.

He's moving around too much, and the doctors are afraid he might dislodge the respirator, and they can't take it out, because then he cant breathe on his own because his heart is unstable.
So they sedate him.

And once again, he's calm but unconscious. And i cry.

And my mama, being the dramatic one as she is, looks to me and says " laura, if that plug was to be pulled, just one plug, your dad will be killed".

to think that his entire life rests solely on that one red plug...and if he doesnt wake again, he'll slip into a coma.

Looks like its gonna be a couple o'days.

*sigh* i need a hug.


posted by Laura at 8:53 AM


wTuesday, May 20, 2003


I've got the world on a string, I'm sitting on a rainbow
Got the string around my finger, What a world, what a life - I'm in love
Life's a wonderful thing, as long as i hold the string..

*sigh* I'm so happy the semester is already over, its so blazingly hot that you can lollygag in the pool all day with your friends and turn into a tomato, and fantasize about what i'm doing this fall ( ohyeahohyeahbaby ! )
I'm so happy with the way my life is going right now.....i've got the world on a string. =)

I taught pumpkinhead today, and my thumb finger had an unfortunate encounter in the midst of his jagged little teeth. =( Its ouchie.
Heh...its funny how it didnt hurt until i saw the blood come out, and all of a sudden, it hurt like crazy.
After, i went to the market to buy corn for my mom, cuz she's a corn nut. I got to stand in the express line =) heh....the guy in front of me was buying this really high-tech floss, bottles of listerine, Tresemme Shampoo for delicate hair, and AxeEffect deodorant spray. I was thinking to myself.." wow, this guy is really hygienic" while i eyed his stuff...and he caught me. He got all embarassed and turned red, and sort of positioned himself right behind it so i couldnt see it. That made me laugh, and when i did, this little spit came out and landed on his bare shoulder. Then he looked at me holding a buncha corn with my right arm, and my left hand with a big thumbs-up cuz of stupid pumpkinhead's carnivorous nature. That made me turn red...and we both had a jolly good time.
But why is it that i always have to have a jolly good time by a) getting embarassed or b) embarassing someone else?
I guess its just my nature. =T
heh...Piso Mojado could somehow, in a creative sort of twist...sound like Feliz Navidad. =)

anywho, boy, lemme tell you about that Axe Deodorant Spray. Ladies, that stuff should really come with a disclaimer. That lady in the commercial? she wasnt kidding. It smells so good like your eyes roll back and ZwAaP!!! youre hooked. " She got you layin out here like a 5 dolla crack ho!" heh, where's that from ?? =) But yeah...That Axe Spray..you must be careful. It's possibly false advertising.

like...remember those Tom and Jerry cartoons where Jerry makes a pie and carries it out back and around the house...and Tom's just mesmerized by the scent and levitates, follows it around....till he rounds the corner and FWAP!! a rude awakening.
They should be careful who they sell that stuff to.

I did the funniest thing just now.
Well, i havent been sleeping that well for the past couple days now, averaging at about 10 hours total for the past 4 days. I figure, if i can't fall deep asleep, then i wont be able to have a complete REM cycle to have these freaky-deaky dreams. It worked, for a while....till today. It was so hot, and after spending all that time in the pool and being baked in the sun, and working...i was pooped. I plopped into my bed just to lay down, but i fell asleep for like 3 hours, and when i woke up, it was 9:30. I was like HOLY MOLY IM LATE FOR CLASS AND I HAVE TO GIVE MY SPEECH AND AIYAH OH NO boOOO! i'm all wrestling outta my clothes, till i realize, hey ! i'm in my clothes.

hey, its dark.

hey, i already gave my speech.

hey, i'm an idiot !

well, in that 3 hours that i was sleeping, i did the worst dreaming.....the dreaming that i tried to avoid by not sleeping in the first place.I guess its gotten as worse as it could possibly get..seeing as how, at the end of the dream, he basically wants to kill me. =( I was crying in my sleep and all, and it was overall very disturbing.I promised myself that if it got worse, i'd do something about it. I dunno what to do, exactly.....but i guess i'll figure it out. Heh...

While pondering that, i was listening to my favorite Vivaldi ( 4 seasons) CD.
This whole Concerto collection is a work of sheer genius. I honestly think composers' thinking exists on a different astral plane.
The whole thing is so fun to listen to, its so intense.
Like...when i listen to it, i want to be a pyrotechnics choreographer...its THAT good. =)
or like those...water fountain choreographer, those are cool too.
heh, just listen to it. You'll know what i'm talking about.
you can picture the types of fireworks to go off when and where.
Well, maybe not.
but to me i can.
its a fun concept.

yeah, i know, i'm a freak, leave me alone.
heh... ByE !! =)


posted by Laura at 10:16 PM