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wThe World is my Oyster |
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I've forgotten what it feels like to be normal.
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So i played hooky this morning...
i've kind of been having this reoccuring dream....but each time i have it, it gets worse. =T i wonder what it means. Its the same dream, where i'm dating Kronk and then my ex comes out of nowhere, and i make him oatmeal. But the part where it gets worse is when he pours it on my head. The first time, he poured it on my head. The second time, i made him a whole table of oatmeal and he flipped the whole table on me. This time, he broke the bowl and made cuts on my body with the pieces. =( yeah, it was freaky deaky.
anywho, this morning was so nice that i deemed it the " too-nice-weather-to-go-to-school day". =) i made yummy foodstuffs and decided to surprise my mom at the hospital. So i went over and dropped it off, and decided that since i was there, i might as well donate blood before i go home. So i went down to the blood donation place and go through the weird questions procedure like.." did you ever have sex for money? did you ever have sex with anyone who had sex for money?" and so on. Then he has to prick your finger to see if you're anemic and if you have enough blood to be donating some of it. That part is the WORST. It hurts so much cuz its right on your fingertip. Anywho, he pricked my finger and the test thingy said i was severely anemic, so he sent me upstairs to get a physical. Boo ! i try to do a nice thing for someone else, and i dont even get to do it, and now i have to go get a physical. boo...=(
I dont like going to my physician because its such an intimate encounter, and he's this asian guy fresh out of UCLA and my mom always talks about him cuz she's so in love with him. I guess i feel awkward because....doctors are supposed to be old and moldy.....not young and eligible....certainly not attractive. Well, he came in the room and i just felt so damn awkward. Cuz he knows my mom, and my mom knows him, and my mom loves him and blah blah blah...not to mention, he was really cute. He gave me this little paper gown thing, and then he left the room. I felt like such a little girl, having to get naked like that. Ugh, and the little paper gown was so......little. I'm all twisting around trying to get it to cover as much of my body as i possibly could.
Then he came back.
=( gosh, this was so uncomfortable. I told myself i'd never try to give blood again, if this is what it was gonna get me into. He asked all the typical questions, like, what have i been eating, how am i feeling, am i under a lot of stress. He logs it all away in his little notebook of Laura, and then... he washes his hands. =( why?
For the examination.
Last time, i managed to avoid the exam part, but i had no excuse this time. I dont think i've ever felt more ....naked. I was having weird role play thoughts....but i think thats just cuz i've been watching too much "Friends" and "Will and Grace". Heh. I layed down on the thing but i didnt know i was still clutching the paper thing shut. He kind of laughed at me....=( Ugh. So i let go....and when i did, his face turned all red. That made ME turn all red, and i think all the heat emanating from my face could have cooked an egg. So he's all poking my tummy here and there, thats ok. But i hate when they have to press the area connecting your thigh to your hip, cuz its so ticklish there. He pushed it in and i knee-d him in the butt. It was kind of an odd, awkward moment, and we both smiled it off. I got worried that i was starting to like it. His face was still so red and when he was listening to my heart-beat, he started sweating and a bead of sweat dropped onto my tummy. He got all embarassed and wiped it off messily, his hands were trembling. I thought that was so cute, so i started laughing, but he didnt think it was funny. =( The exam was almost over. The only thing left to do was....the breast exam. xP
He started pushing on my boobies here and there, squishing them down like it was cookie dough or something. Then you have to stand up and squish them around again. While he was doing that, he was sweating so profusely that about 6 more drops sprinkled onto my shoulders. It seemed like it was taking a lottt longer than it had to. Or maybe i'm just selectively imagining things....*sigh* Then he has to hold the stethoscope against your heart and tap on your back, why he does this, i dont know why. I think that was the most awkward part of the whole exam because his face was right next to mine, and i could feel his breathing on my neck and ear, and when he grabbed the paper his face brushed against mine.
That's when i had a very depressing thought.
This is probably the most action i'm ever gonna get till i'm married ( and because i CHOSE this) ...and who KNOWS how long thats going to be from now. When i was little, i decided i wanted to be married by the time i was 24, after dating that person for at least 2 years. I wasted a lot of time, and now i better hop to it !
I was thinking about my big non-decision for quite some time....and i made this decision because i wanted/want to be a righteous person, and i guess that was the number one thing on my list of wrong-doings. But then i was thinking.....its so easy to make mistakes, and so hard to be righteous. And there is this passage in the bible which openly states that God loves the open sinner more than He does the hypocrite that pretends to be righteous.
?=/
so....then i thought....aren't most everybody hypocritical in some way or another? Surely people pretend to be more righteous than they really are, maybe even for the sake of sincerely TRYING to be righteous....kind of like thinking into existence.....
so...if God loves the open sinner more than the hypocrite....He must really despise the hypocrite.
So then wouldnt you be on safer ground even if you were continually sinning, rather than pretending, maybe trying, to be righteous, but eventually fail?
i dunno. =*(
if lust was a crime, i'd definitely be doing time.
( like my poetry? ) =)
boo...its not funny. =( i feel so funky today....especially after that dream and that encounter at the doctors office. What's going on in my bread?
he prescribed me some iron supplements or whatnot, and scheduled to have me back in 2 months. And i'm actually looking forward to it....
Because its justified?
That's pretty pathetic. Because i'm not "sinning" when he touches me.....but if i'm all lusty about it, then haven't i committed the same sin anyway?
my bread is growing some kind of fungus......
posted by
Laura at 12:02 PM
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I'm taking Yui's Quizzes, because as she says " These quizzes are FUN!"
( heh...yes, they are. )
You are Jean Grey!
Beautiful and smart, you are still just beginning
to fulfill your potential. You have a strong
sense of right and wrong, but are open to
discussion and changes of opinion.
Unfortunately, when it comes to love you are
often torn between two options, and can never
seem to make up your mind.
Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla
Red:
Aren't you the romantic? Life is poetic. If you
don't already, write poetry, you're good at it.
What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla
no fair, yui gets 3 colors and i only get one. =) heh....at least its my favorite...
ok, time to write that term paper. =/ WHY oh WHY did i wait till the last minute yet AGAIN?!
" God is a blantant misogynist or people blindly misinterpret contextual references from ancient writing? " ( can a title be in the form of a question? aiyah..time to get to work....i've already spent the past two hours playing...xP )
Many critics of the bible blindly misinterpret God as a blatant misogynist because the bible was written by men in ancient times and the role of women was submission in a male dominated world.
bleh. time to play some more...gotta get that noodle workin.
posted by
Laura at 3:05 PM
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