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wThe World is my Oyster |
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I've forgotten what it feels like to be normal.
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wSaturday, March 29, 2003 |
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March 29th, 6:30 A.M.
What an odd night last night. After sending my mom out to dinner with her friends, i get a call. Its from my uncle, who's calling on behalf of my dying uncle ( from cancer ) who's apparently in his last hours of life. Aiyah, its one of those moments, those moments you cant let pass. So i hop in the car, and proceed to search for my mom, who carries around a cell phone, but doesnt know how to use it. Somehow when these moments arise, my mom and i are apparently cosmically connected. But i guess i am more than she, because as i make a left into a restaurant parking lot where i presume she'll be, she's coming out. And of course, she doesnt see me, honking and high-beaming, and i proceed to go on a wild goose chase for the next 30 minutes.
eh. Upon coming home, i pondered that life is so incredibly short, and therefore has no time to fit in nonsense. I then pondered that life is too short to spend even the least bit of time loathing somebody. But then i pondered on that said somebody and all that pondering led me to this conclusion : there's not a thing i can do, because that somebody that i wished i loathed, was me.
Its kind of like when you look at old photos of yourself, and your wonderful fashion decisions, and you wonder how it is that wearing those shoes with that hairstyle with that color ever made sense to you....and you wish you could go back and erase it, but you can't. That was you, and that was your stupid fashion faux paux and now its imprinted for life. Stupid stupid stupid.
I had a funky dream on account of all my ponderings last night and come to the conclusion : Thinking is very very bad. Sheer ignorance and shallow humor = very very good. I'm just kidding.
This morning was supposed to be special because after all the hell of the surgeries and the Intensive Care Unit stays and the heart attack and the complications and the hospital stays, today was the marker. The doctors said that if he lived through till the marker day, there shouldnt be any other instance of osteomyelosis infection in his body. He should be "like new" the doctors joked.
Now, if only that "new" body was accompanied by a new mentality for life, things would be great.
This morning was also supposed to be my birthday breakfast. We agreed to go to this French ( wait, that wasn't P.C. I meant...Freedom ) restaurant. But before we went, we were going to take a walk in this really nice park by a naval Marine corps base. We started walking,at which my dad started complaining because he didnt want french food, he wanted vietnamese fast food. My mom got upset because she said today was special and he didnt know how to think of anyone else besides himself. And off they go..... and while i remembered the lecture from the woman from Haven Hills, i watched in subdued horror as i went down the checklist of what makes verbal and emotional abuse. My father is able to say anything and everything without restraint to make somebody feel as bad as they can. Without restraint? Yes. Such as...blaming my brother's death solely on my mother. That was just too much. And as i walked behind them....i pondered....who is my mom going to run to, who is going to shield her, from this type of emotional abuse when i wont be here anymore? This emotional torment makes me so eager to go, but so reluctant to leave. And as i passed my fingers over the soft, smooth flesh of my forearm, I entertained the thought that slicing it and watching the blood seep out might be remedial, might actually feel better than listening to my father chip away at my mother's soul...and should i say anything, do the very same to me.
At which a half naked marine began to jog by, and amidst all his sweaty, tight, tan and shimmering glory i struggled to pick my jaw up off the floor. He stopped for a while, and said some thing to me....but all i remember was " LaLaLaLa..." and he handed me his card, with his contact # scribbled messily on the back from the pencil so adorably wedged in his ear...the card a little moist from the sweat of his back butt pocket. He said a little something more "LaLaLaLa" and gave me a little salute, and he was gone. At which i realized that i still hadn't picked my jaw up off the floor, nor blinked my eyes for that matter.....and as i watched him run off, all....sexy and ......wonderful, while his scent bathed my face ( it mustve been that Axe effect Ü ) i got scared because in that short instance, he almost made me want to compromise my big non-decision.
And in my stupid panic, i forced myself to tear up the card and watch as the tragic pieces floated down in to the trashcan, down in to the lonely void that is my love life, down down downnnnn....hah, just kidding.
But WHY OH WHY DID I DO THAT??!!
stupid laura. Stupid stupid stupid.
Tonight my girls are taking me out...=) and my lover is going to be there....woohoo ! She's going to want to "charge" me.....yehahh !!
yeah, i didnt want to cut my arm.Maybe in that instance, but not anymore. There are too many sexy marines in the world. ( heh!) I'd rather cut my hair and give blood instead. =) which im so glad, because i convinced the other half to give blood with me ! =) i just hope she's tall enough to give blood. Heh, you should hear her bark. Its so cute, you almost want to call her Half-pint. Note i said, Almost.
posted by
Laura at 12:46 PM
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wWednesday, March 26, 2003 |
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Did you ever laugh so hard that your teeth got cold?
Did you ever smile so much that your face stuck that way?
Did you ever make funny faces at your mom just to hear her tell you that it would stick that way?
Did you ever tell a joke that was so funny you couldnt even tell it and when you finally got through it the people didnt laugh?
Did you ever not be able to stop laughing when everybody else has?
Did you ever start laughing for no reason?
Did you ever start laughing for a reason that you hear in your head and everyone thinks you're crazy?
Did you ever get the giggles and contagiously infect everyone around you?
Did you ever make someone laugh so hard that THEIR teeth got cold?
Did you ever make someone laugh so hard that THEIR face stuck that way?
Did you ever laugh yourself a six-pack?
Did you ever laugh so much you couldnt breathe?
Did you ever laugh so much to the point where you think you cant laugh anymore and when youre at the brink of stopping you start laughing harder and louder than ever before?
Did you ever make someone laugh just because you're laughing?
Did you ever make someone laugh because you wanted to laugh and couldnt?
Did you ever laugh at this really whiny, kiddy, dummy, baby sounding voice on your house answering machine only to find that it was your voice?
Did you ever pick up the phone and the other party asks for your mama or dada?
Did you ever have people offer you phone sex jobs because apparently, somebody thinks theirs a phone sex market for voices that sound 6 years old?
Did you ever try to bite your ear? ( it really is possible.)
Did you ever fall for the same gullible trick more than twice?
Did you ever pronounce the word "whom" as HOM?
Did you ever think the words Piso Mojado were a jovial holiday greeting?
Did you ever sing back the words Piso Mojado as you then proceeded to slip clear off the floor and onto your back?
Did you ever wait in line at McDonalds while your shirt unbuttoned itself?
Did you ever walk somewhere and somebody ran straight towards you and grabbed you to not take a picture with you, but with your super spiffy spongebob shirt?
Did you ever sneeze and not have somebody bless you because you couldnt stop sneezing and they didnt know when to say bless you and then when you finally stopped sneezing, they didnt want to bless you anymore?
Did you ever get whacked in the head with one of those big, seedy, leafy things?
Did you ever bruise your butt because you wanted to ride down the roller slide one too many times?
Did you ever have to pee so bad that the bathroom was the most welcoming site youve seen in years?
Did you ever have to pee so bad that when you finally saw the bathroom all you want to do is just run to it but your legs just twist themselves all around eachother and you have to do this stupid retarded hopping thing all the way to the bathroom where your zipper that never jams all of a sudden decides to jam on you?
Did you ever thank goodness for that extra 2 seconds that you were able to contain yourself?
Did you ever sit through a really really really boring lecture and you had to go pee 3 times just because it was more fun than sitting in the lecture?
Did you ever actually have to go pee three times in one class session and people think you have a dysfunctional bladder problem but you actually just had a little too much coffee?
Did you ever get a 98% on your test when you could have gotten a 100 if ONLY you remembered to write a stupid # on your scantron?
Did you ever ask a security guard if the metal detector can detect coffee too because he said you couldnt get coffee past the metal detector?
Did you ever quote the same line from the same movie with the same accuracy with your bestest friend only to laugh so hard water comes out of your nose?
Did you ever think somebody would think "Its okay, I make lamb" actually makes sense when they say their sorry?
Did you ever play miniature golf that turned into hockey, that turned into skeeball, that turned into touch football, that turned into bowling, that turned into easter egg hunting?
Did you ever act a fool and your friend loved you for it?
Did you ever like somebody so much that you waited for them to come home from school?
Did you ever like somebody so much that you didnt want them to go to work?
Did you ever like somebody so much that you wanted to follow them to work?
Did you ever like somebody so much that you made them dinner just because you could?
Did you ever like somebody so much that when you buy something in bulk for bargain shopping that you think that that 2nd free item was meant for that person you like so much?
Did you ever know somebody so well that you could finish their every sentence?
Did you ever meet the most wonderful person in the whole world because you drop all your books while running like a maniac and he bends over to pick em up for you but you didnt see him bend over to pick up your books so you bend over to pick up your books and you whack your head into his?
Did you ever think an instance like this would be so romantic if only your nose didnt start bleeding all over the place? =( heh.
Well, if you did all these things, then we've got a LoOoOoT in common ! =)
posted by
Laura at 11:19 PM
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wTuesday, March 25, 2003 |
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And while the rhythm swings, what lovely things I'll be sayin',
For what is dancing but making love set to music, playin'.
When the band begin to leave the stand and folks start to roam,
As we wing home, cheek to cheek we'll be,
Come on, come on, come on, come on and dance with me
oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy !! =)*****
posted by
Laura at 10:49 PM
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wMonday, March 24, 2003 |
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Twas a Joyful Day
So, apparently Laura's too lazy to write junk in her blog so she made me, her "special friend", do it. (She promised me FREE sex. Which is unusual for her. Usually she charges by the minute. What a gip)
Well today was a fun filled day. Laura and I, and a fellow classmate, made our way to the Museum of Tolerance in my "lowered" mini-van @ 9:30ish. When we got there we had a 5 minute hike up a slight hill to Starbucks which totally left us gasping for air, well me anyhow. Laura thinks it's more difficult to walk downhill than uphill. Why? Nobody knows. In the museum we were quite disrespectful by laughing at the concept of "which one of us got the I.D card of the Jewish kid who died a horrible death or is one of the few who survived the Holocaust". Evil wenches we are. We know. I apologize to you yamicah (I don't even know if I spelled it correctly, but it doesn't matter. It's just another reason for you to dislike me) wearing people with the unusually large schnozz. Anyhooters, by this time we were on our way to find some grub because after putting my head adjacent to her breasts I could hear her tummy rumble.
As we were walking to Noodle Planet, a homeless man came up to us and asked if we could buy him some noodle soup. We kind of just walked right by him and felt terrible afterwards. So we planned on buying him some soup and a dessert on our way back but he disappeared by then =( During our lunch, we were verbally harrassed by our fellow classmate, whom will go nameless because I don't know if he reads this or not or by the small chance that someone out there that reads this will know him....not that it matters because he'd know I'm talking about him anyway. Not too long ago did Laura and I have a conversation about guys liking us for us, not because they like "asians" and have a thing for them, like a fetish. And whattaya know, this dude says he has a strong attraction for asian chicks because of their eyes or whatnot. Being the mature, sophisticated, ladies that we are, Laura and I just brushed it off and gave him a good bitching.
There were other interesting tidbits that occured during this day that was quite humorous, such as our little "credit card" game. Back at the museum, I had this fun game that I thought would be great to play at a Museum of such seriousness. I got my Jewish I.D card and slid it between Laura's buttocks and said "Sorry, I'm short on cash. Do you accept credit cards? Well you do now. So where's my sex?" Well, I didn't really say that. I just gave her this look and she knew that that's what I meant. She had a look of shock on her face, not from the fact that I unknowingly slid a credit card between her derriere but because I did it with such ease. After I placed the card where it said "insert card here". The next few moments get quite hot and heavy so I'm just going to tell you about it in my head for the sake of a PG rating........................................................and the longest second of my life ended with me having a printout of a little Jewish boy, whom by the way did not survive the Holocaust (I shall rot in hell if there is such a thing =P).
I forget what else she wanted me to write about besides my stupidity and my knack for political incorrectness.
P.S: I'm sorry if I offended you, the reader. It was my goal and the goal was met. Mission accomplished. I WIN damn you.
-Montip-
posted by
Laura at 10:34 PM
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