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wFriday, January 24, 2003 There are TWO kinds of people in this world....Moisturizing soap people and Squeaky Clean soap people....ok, so maybe THREE kinds....since some people are hygienically challenged... I was once a devoted veteran squeaky soap person. I even got into arguments with my beau when he'd wash me because he tried to moisturize me when all i wanted to do was squeak. I just felt like the way your back and shoulders feel when you rinse the conditioner out of your hair and it coats your whole backside. However, when he and I took a break, i secretly switched to moisturizing soap in remembrance of him. Now that we're back together, i expected to switch back....but somehow the whole moisturizing soap thing stuck....i just love when he washes me i guess, no matter what soap he decides to use. I look at it like this.....Moisturizing soap people just dont have the time or patience to apply lotion afterwards, so they kinda gotta do the whole two in one deal, like Pert Plus. Squeaky clean soap people would rather take the time and get squeaky clean to then apply the body lotion...but only if needed. I must admit...sometimes i indulge in a little squeakiness....but shhh, don't tell. On a side note....i really think bathroom radios ( like...radios created specifically to be placed in the bathroom...not like its made any different....cuz we all know waterproof never really means waterproof.....kind of like waterproof mascara that smudges when it gets wet, but doesnt budge when you wash it with soap ) anywho, i think bathroom radios should really come with a federal warning. If you place music in a bathroom... youre gonna want to sing. And if you sing....youre gonna want to dance. Dancing in the bathroom?? Its a bonafide hazard, thats what it is. I knocked my knee into the corner of the shower inset today ( ouchie ) while dancin around in the shower ....the little shower massage arm thingy really makes a great mic....I'd compare shower performances almost as liberating as the underwear dancing....but only if you have the right music of course... " I know music leads the way to romance....." - Sinatra *sigh* so i really tried to keep up the face. But i'm actually really scared inside. I thought my dad would be able to come home by now, its been over a month. However..... He just recently had a heart attack. I guess when it rains, it pours... They immediately moved him back into the intensive care unit and started him up on all sorts of new drugs.... yeah. My poor dad. My poor, poor dad. He lies in bed now....no longer willing ....no longer able to put up a fight against this damned osteomyelosis. His eyes roll back in subdued surrender......and i sit by his bedside....wondering if i'm dreaming....wondering when we'll all awake from this nightmare. The combination of all the new drugs and the old ones along with his increasing exhaustion steals from his consciousness....and he keeps telling me he saw Raymond, that he's here.....that we're gonna all go out to eat together as one big family. He tells me he needs to put on his tie because he's coming to my wedding. He says he needs to have a private talk with my new husband. He tells me he wants to see his grandchildren. He tells me he's going to the store now, he'll be right back.He tells me we have to live in the basement because the north koreans are coming. He tells me its time for breakfast when he just ate dinner 10 minutes ago.......He tells me its january 24th 1952. and i never knew a fear as great as this. a fear that without electric monitors and battery pumps and a combination of dopamine, morphine, C-pro,mycelex, noreprine, decadron and countless others..........my father would no longer be able to live. I guess i kind of feel like i'm in denial. I wont.....i absolutely refuse to believe that he might be gone....because i've already told myself i wouldnt be strong enough to suffer another loss..... i just barely began to accept the last one....and the fact that i spent so much of my life despising him for the dad that he wasnt that i never saw the opportunity to at least know him as the dad he was..... gosh, i really miss my brother. He would know what to do..... posted by Laura at 8:03 PM