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wThe World is my Oyster |
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I've forgotten what it feels like to be normal.
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ahh The *IT* girl
The door opens. The wind blows against her face, her long luscious hair flows up and about her face. The sun bathes her glowing, dewey face, her lips shimmer and shine.......and all the heads turn.
Her smile just beams. She has a *quality* .......and out of nowhere a big, heavy, seedy leaf thing up and smacks her over the head.
She twitches, it hurts, she gives in to the embarassment and slinks into the back seat. It must have been a dream. =(
This is not the *IT* girl........ this is the dork.
And i can oh-so-much relate to this dork, because, that dork is me.
So many times, i think, fate has given me small glimmers of chances to look sexy, qute, and the head turner. And EVERY time, i seem to botch them up, and botch up bad. =(
Maybe i'm cursed.
My English teacher today was telling about this girl Cassandra in greek literature, and she was a real fun gal i suppose, but she was cursed with telling the truth and having no one believe her. Most people are cursed with not being able to tell the truth, but its so ironic the way her curse worked out, poor Cassy.
So yeah, i have proof that i might be cursed, you know....with having opportunities to look cute, and not being able to. =( poor me.
Ok, so its Christmas last year, jolly songs are playing, beautiful lights shine, and there are a billion people at the mall. I'm glittering, waltzing, strolling into work ( or so i think....a girl can dream =) and a nice young stranger is running towards me, unusually jovial... "Piso Mojado, Piso mojado!!" he shouts. "oh, what lovely holiday cheer" i think, and give a four-star miss america wave and smile, and sing back "Piso Mojado!" and v^v^ * ShwOoOP * v^v^v^ BAMMMM ! i slip CLEAR off the floor and on my bottom.
and it doesnt feel good. =( and of course, i was the center of attention. =(
I'm walking to class, the sun is bathing my face, the wind is blowing my hair up and into the wind, "oOOoOOoh i can look qute now" i think. And whack ! a big leafy seedy stupid hard rocky dumb smelly old thing just had to whap me over the head. =(
and it doesnt feel good. =(
ohh, this is classic. So i'm really nervous on this really important date, cuz i kind of like this boy, a lot more than i've ever liked anybody. And its wonderful, and we're sitting on a cute little park bench on a cute little hill, and he goes to kiss my forehead, but i kiss him smack on the lips......but hey, that istnt even the bad part ! We're walking down from the hill, and i'm trying to say something cute......and keRpLunK! not only do i fall in this massive hole, my foot slips off my platform shoe and i cant walk. Boy, was that cute. Good going, laura. =(
My first day of english class, and the teacher calls on me to read in front of the class. Hey, but i'm not nervous, I'm wearing my superspiffy spongebob shirt, and we all know we cant go wrong with Spongebob. =) So anywho, i get up and tell myself "ok laura, read it smart and spiffy, and mebe someone will think youre cute" and instead of pronouncing "whom" like hooooom, i say HOM....like.....HOM !! and people are giggling, and i'm thinking " waitttt, nooo !! i actually have a brain, i just wasnt using it yet !!! wait, let me read it again !" But it wasnt cute, no, it was dorky. =( darn.
i'm standing in line at McDonald's, my friend is in the bathroom. I'm looking at the menu, trying to see if i have enough money, when i notice everybody is staring at me. "oOoh, mebe they think i'm cute ! ok laura, dont look surprised, just keep looking at the menu". Soon enough people are not only staring, but snickering. I wonder whats so funny, and realize people werent looking at me, they were looking at my blouse.....which managed to unbutton itself while i wasnt looking, that sneaky creature. =( Good one laura.....you just stood there for 5 minutes and let everyone stare at your cleavage. That wasnt sexy, that wasnt cute, it was trashy. Darn once again.
i have so many more....mebe i'll write about these experiences later. As for now, i'm hungry.
i would like to fill the tummy.
The dorks tummy......(waah =(
( and no, not dork like whales dick, you sicko's )
posted by
Laura at 3:19 PM
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wWednesday, November 13, 2002 |
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Stay tuned.....more E-Laura-Date ( you know, like, elimidate? haha... gosh, i am so witty)
ok, so i took one of those goofy "How Dateable are you?" tests, and this is what it says...
Damn, J-Lo! You are...
84%
dateable! Attractive and confident, witty and charming, a healthy ambrosia-based diet... you're wanted in the 48 contiguous states, you slayer. Call me. Seduce me. Make me a man (or woman.) Not only do you know how to turn a guy's (or girl's) engines on, but you also know how to oil, lube and rotate it. You put the "elation" back into "relationship," and the "night" back into "one-night stand."
FUN FACT...
people more dateable than you (1%)
people just as dateable as you (2%)
people less dateable than you (97%)
Based on the 1,159,849 submissions before you.
heeheeheeheehee....im ecstatic.....(only cuz the other 1,159,848 people before did seemingly worse than me =) thats a whole lotta un-dateable people online....heeheehee)
ok, so i'm an underachiever. I'm really satisfied with the B i scored. =) awww, i feel like people can sell me anything. They just make it sound so good...=)
posted by
Laura at 4:32 PM
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People CAN have fun with English !
ok, so my special friend just published her sonnet we wrote for our lit class, and since i, ( although nowhere near ) would really want to be as super-duper-spankin-spiffily-swell as her, i decided i'd publish mines too.
please dont ridicule me, i mean, what, its not like i do this for a living. =( and yes, i am a hopeless crazy romantic.....so ShHh!!
my sonnet is cleverly titled SONNET ( for joe ) heehee
(sonnets sound funny. Why is that you ask? Because, my oh-so-not-as-cultured-friend of mine, they are written in a strict form, 14 lines, 10 syllables each - in Iambic Pentameter, and an ABABCDCDEFEFGG rhyme scheme.....why am i telling you this? so you can think i'm smarter than i really am =D heh.... and so my sonnet wont sound as weird.....(i'm a sly devil i am )
ok, so here's my Sonnet, my Sonnet ( for Joe ) heehee
When leaves of em'rald turn golden yellow,
when alone i sit by the windowsill,
his thoughts drench my heart with wine so mellow.
Dancing across the sky the moonlight spills,
while the lights gently flirt amidst the leaves,
and carries tender thoughts of whom i love.
His love is sincere, i choose to believe,
though naive am i, and coy as a dove.
Time shall pass, but our love remains always.
Through depth and darkness our love's a white light,
and cold winter's kiss shan't chill love ablaze.
In warm embrace, his slightest touch excites
and sets my soul at ease. Here forever,
i wish to stay, and change, i hope, never.
yeah yeah, you likey? =) i knew you would. Thank you, thank you.... (hey, please dont copy =( you know, cuz i'm kind of fond of it and all )
*hi baby. i love you.*
posted by
Laura at 7:38 PM
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HeAd-BoNk Magic !
ok, so i felt compelled to write this blogg in sheer and utter frustration at my special friend. It's called head-bonk magic.... a phenomenon that works so well i'd like to market it one day..... =) along with my book, that you all will buy. =)
so there's this eye candy in our class, who surprisingly enough, is as nice as he looks....a RaRe RaRe find......
and here's my beautiful, smart, clever, wonderful special friend who can't say anything to him =(
so what if you only think he's qute, why not give yourself the opportunity to get to know him too, then its a double-whammy-yay-for-you ! ( your sister and i were discussing this today....and wow, that rhymes ! i must be....a....poet and dunno-it ...hehehehe..you had to see that coming )
anywho, i subtly suggest for her to OOPS ! drop her pencil, and he being the gentleman that he is, will bend over to pick it up for her, she'll bend over to pick it up at the same time and *LaLaLaLaLaaaa* well, first before the LaLaLa is the OUCH !! but then the *LaLaLa* magic =) and they proceed to say "Sorry" at the same time, and then they say "oh its okay" at the same time, and then they laugh at the same time and its all sushi from then on =)
ok, so maybe it needs a little work. But soon, i'll perfect it enough, and soon you'll see me on Oprah, marketing this strategy by my world famous book, and then i'll establish like a really cool charm school, and then i'll become really fiLthy (you know,like stinkin ) and then maybe i could rival bill gates and donate 200 million to my own foundation =) the Laura is coOL please be coOl like her foundation. =)
oh, shut up.
posted by
Laura at 4:40 PM
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wSunday, November 10, 2002 |
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Cant....Breath.....Cant.....Function.......Cant.....think........The Swift hand of Death? I think not...
hmm...i'm having another panic attack....and radical thoughts that maybe the swift hand of death would feel a lot better than the way i feel right now are flooding my head. ( of course, it wouldnt....because who wants to die, anyway?)
why do people panic? Things are inevitably going to happen the way they were supposed to......and sometimes, i feel like maybe i shouldnt be trying to drive....maybe, i should just sit back, turn up the volume, hit the cruise control.......and just chill my way through life. Because isnt life hard enough? We should just let fate do the steering for us.....things that were meant to be are just GOING to happen, no matter what you try to do.
i feel so funny....i think i'm having mild cabin fever.... ( i cut my hair today(myself) , and now i look like a punk rocker of some sort....and an ugly punk rocker at that.. =( and so, in trying to beat around the bush and tell myself that i dont look so frumpy now, i tried to curl it. And now i look like a middle-aged frumpy wanna-be-young-but-is-never-gonna-happen hippy punk rocker of some sort. And i dont feel good about it.
i miss my special friend.
She tried to put my porn up on her BLoG, but failed =(. Thats too bad, because i have some really, really great porn. But we shall get a BLoG, and in it, we shall proceed to have mutual sex ( you know, connecting on another level and all ). Hi Lover !! Yup ! this shoutout's for you !!!! ( dont you feel special, oh yes you do ! )
my head hurts....i think maybe i'll go invade the pretty little world inside my medicine cabinet now.....
posted by
Laura at 8:11 PM
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