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wThe World is my Oyster |
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I've forgotten what it feels like to be normal.
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wWednesday, November 06, 2002 |
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In putting off work, i proceed to play....I'm not playing, but not working means playing....Oh, this is not fun play =(
ok, so i shouldnt have even spent the last 10 minutes writing my last blogg, or doing this one.
What i should be doing, is StuDyiNg =( BUT I CANT DO IT !! I'M SO WEAK ......
I'm scared that i might have attention deficit disorder...I just cant do it ! ( this, Freud would define as subconscious rationalizing) because of course, i can study, i am fully capable of it......i just feel like i have better things to do....and so i keep telling myself and others that i'm actually not cabable of studying.
WHAT?! Better things to do?
But i need to feed my mind, further my education......be studious.....make something out of myself !!!.......oh brother.
Somehow, this notion of college and all the aspirations of an otherwise unachievable successful carreer after the age of 22 seems kind of overrated and ridiculous to me. Do i think a proper education is important? Yes, i do. Do i think memorizing dates and formulas and theorems and presidents is going to get me where i want to be? No.
In my naive little aspiring mind, i pictured college to be much more of an educational experience in an initially life living perspective. I thought all this general education stuff was taken care of in high school, and was looking forward to a more enriching schooling environment....one which would teach me more about life, people, ...maybe even....the world. But all i've come to learn about those subjects, i've done on my own, and for that, i am rather dissappointed.
And so, in my crushed state, dreaming of *college* schooling, i sit here, trying to force myself to remember who led the war on which side of the eastern region through Shay's rebellion.....but find myself daydreaming about my baby instead.....oOh* i think i'll call him now...
posted by
Laura at 6:26 PM
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Today I feel [ .............. ]
i have this little magnet on my refrigerator door that starts out "Today i feel" and you proceed to choose your mood, ranging from furious to elated, and place the cute little frame around the face with the emotion that you choose.Now, this magnet was released by Kaiser Permanente as an exercise of their self-proclaimed "beneficial" function for the public. Its supposed to help parents understand their children better through silent understanding. As i moved the little frame around the options, i was dissappointed to find that they didnt have the one i felt today.( and that my mom once again wouldnt be able to "silently" understand.)
Today, i felt particularly frumpy.
Yes, frumpy.
i have one heckuva cold, my nose is red and swollen, my eyes are watery, my hair is having a field day ( as always ), my body aches and i cant stand up straight, and i didnt even want to choose something decent to wear to school. I just figured i'd get myself there however i looked, and deal with myself later.
Well, in having to deal with myself, i felt so frumpy that i just wanted to disappear into the floor. I felt like people were looking at me funny, cuz i was so particularly unattractive today. Not long after did i realize that the only reason why people werent smiling at me like normal was because i had this horrid expression on my face. Remember that thing i said about smiling? I shouldve remembered that for myself.
So, even though i was feeling gross, i proceeded to smile at everyone that came my way. And whaddo you know? People smiled at me the same way as they always did. And all of a sudden, i felt pretty again. I even came across a guy who i'm sure was probably feeling worse than me by the sound of his cough, but he had such a positive demeanor. As we neared eachother, we couldnt decide who was going to get out of the way. I moved to the left, he moved with me, i moved to the right, he moved with me.....finally i laughed and pointed at the way i was going to go, he thought i wanted him to go that way, and we bumped right into eachother. It caused somewhat of a comedic spectacle, and i dont know why, but it made my day better.
Its funny, the power of a great attitude. It seems to be contagious. =) and I'm so very glad, for my part, that i am one highly infectious person. =)
posted by
Laura at 6:01 PM
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